Disrespectful attitudes

Understanding impact of rude behaviours.

In Pakistan, unfortunately, in everyday life we confront many people as shouting at each other. At public places, work places, markets, in the schools even at domestic levels it has become a common sight now. The parents shout at their kids over trivial issues and the elder siblings do the same with the younger ones. At school the kids bully the vulnerable and introvert students. Intolerance and impatience seem galore. What many of us fail to realize is that in many cases effects of rude behaviour displayed by others are far more adverse than we can even realize. It may affect our performance extremely badly and may have a strong negative emotional impact on our demeanor also resulting in low self esteem and self pity. Most of all it affects our health. According to a report of International Diabetes Federation, in 2022, Pakistan was on third number with diabetic patients (the total number of cases afflicted with this disease were approximately 33,000,000) after China and India in the world. In 2023 country with the highest number of such cases was Pakistan. Many of diabetic patients seem to divulge that they used to be in stressful situations caused by unbecoming behaviour of people around them.

Raison d'etre of yelling
Yelling reflects the emotional instability of a person and his ineffective coping skills
. It shows that such a person wishes to become dominant using emotional outbursts as his way of coping in life. By getting out of control such people think they can control the situation. It is a tool to manage the associated stress as well. In this manner rude people are trying to assert their supremacy over others. The people who scream at you will, in fact, are trying to have an emotional control over you. It is a form of bullying.
Therefore, it shows that they are inherently insecure. Their energies bounce off and they just adopt such a behaviour to masquerade their insecurities.

Yelling is a manifestation of anger and frustration.
A person who yells normally takes it as critical to his survival. Actually he feels frightened. Most of the people live an ordinary life. There are things that prompt them to scream and this can be reflected in the shape of discourteous behaviors from bosses, coworkers or supervisors and even sometimes from the subordinates also.

What makes people to be rude towards others?
Some people do not think nice and hence do not speak nice simply because they cannot help it. Unfortunately, this rudeness seems to be penetrated in our culture. We cannot deny the fact here that economic situations also define and shape such a temperament. When people are faced with destitution on any count, they resort to such a behaviour. Whatsoever may be the cause, impudence and showing disrespect is simply not justified and totally unacceptable. It shows deterioration in values and family system.

Impact
Rudeness is responsible for a considerable decline in the quality of work. Rude behaviors cause stress which leads to bad health. The workplace incivility has a negative bearing on performance. It refrains the employees from taking initiatives as they remain clutched in the grip of fear and their development is hampered a lot. An emotional exhaustion they start suffering from. In same manner the behaviour of teachers also affects their students.
If you take some time and meander through the memory lane for a while and have a stroll at times of early schooldays, you will recall how even a pat at the back, a look of admiration by the teacher and words of encouragement on producing the quality work still serve as source of inspiration for you making you jubilant and ambitious thus leaving an effervescent impact on you, just like a gentle breeze crosses your way during a scorching day. The reprimand and undue scoldings, likewise, leave a bad taste and their unpleasant memories cannot be erased for many years afterwards. The insulting words go on reverberating and make people sad. It is evident that teachers who are nice and treat students with respect and are supportive towards them have a positive impact on the over all well being of the students.

Why politeness is required?
Remember we all have to promote civility and nurture respect for others, especially for those who are deprived in some ways. More and more training should be held and workshops need to be conducted to spread awareness about this aspect as it is very helpful in producing a good environment leading to really good output and task oriented performance. We deserve respect at wok place and at homes and need to work with dignity and sound mental health. It is possible only if we have emotionally regulated environment.

How should rudeness be handled?
If someone has to bear with an ill tempered abusive boss, he should try to socialize more and look for positive interactions with positive minded people. Rude people should be treated in a calculated manner. You need to remember that all you have to do is to radiate your positivism for such miserable fellows who need not to incur your wrath but, in fact, your compassion and sympathy. Individuals, departments, institutions and leaders all have to contribute in their collective endeavors to tolerate and then ameliorate such wretched ill behaving people by identifying causes for their impolite attitudes. It is also quite likely that may be it is an attempt to draw attention of people towards them. In psychological terms we call it as attention seeking behaviors.
As regards taking care of our personal well being we should always be mindful of this reality that taking care of our self should be the prime objective. If some people think bad of us, it should not make us worried. What we should be concerned more is our peace of mind and most importantly what we should care is what we think about other people. Self care must be in any case the matter of priority.
If we react then the rude people will also be reacting to our reactions and situation will get worse. So we have to find the amicable solution of the problem peacefully. We should take time and calm down in such situations as yelling causes adrenaline to rise high especially when the person who is shouting is not our boss but a junior. By staying calm and not feeding at the anger of such a person is a good strategy to handle them. We must respond the yeller in a composed manner and best way will be to take a break from such a person. When we feel our emotions cool down then we should give our self time to analyze and process the situation rationally. Retaliation on the same footing will aggravate the problem further.
Deep breathing can be a technique. Taking a mental pause to assess the situation before acting will serve as making us figure out what should we do. One way can be to walk away and bringing to mind that we do not have to subject our self to someone's abuse and mistreatment. We, of course, do not have to punish our self for the idiocy of rude people. Another measure is not to get agreeable to the yeller and avoid this type of diffusing as they will do it again.
Things do not go smooth when we see people are yelling at us for no reason. Sometimes we act defensive. This reaction should be avoided. We must adopt healthy coping strategies. Best action is to mirror their behaviors. Mostly in such situations your emotions are instigated, but you have to address the real problem and calmly communicate to them that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable.
We have to recognize our emotional reaction to rudeness. Yes sometime we need to empathize as well. Sometimes rudeness can be unintentional and may be genetic. One way can be to set boundaries. Good behaviour is a must to foster a healthy environment, a society rife with trust and the sense of safety.
Ragging at universities wreak an irreparable havoc on the minds of students. It would be adjuvant to cite an example of a bright student who got admission in the top engineering university of our country but due to ragging on the very first day by seniors got psychologically upset. Eventually for many years that student had to take a break and was subject to take professional treatment to get to life again. The trauma of his parents cannot be summed up in the words. There are many other examples of the same sort. Most of the super intelligent kids are found to be ultra sensitive. So far as bullying is concerned researches show that Denmark is a country having one of Europe's lowest rates of bullying along with Sweden, Netherlands and Finland. There children at a very early age are taught to avoid bullying and give respect to each other. Both parents and teachers play a proactive role in this regard. As a parent if they feel that something is wrong with their kids, they along with the teachers reach out to them and help fix the problem. The teachers may stop the academic activities even if it has to take six months and pay full attention on knowing about the causes for such maladies. Anti bullying charters are found on the websites of many Danish schools. Even the anti bullying programs were introduced in the Danish Schools 16 years ago and they are working successfully to this day. The teachers take it as a mission to make the kids feel safe at school, subject them to more of the group activities and make them work in pairs. If a child is found bullying, it results in expulsion from the group. Making them learn to live together and engender a culture of mutual respect is an integral part of Danish teaching style. A feeling of togetherness is enthused. They are taught how to develop the social skills at the schools at an early age, how to communicate and how to compromise on different ideas and cope with the adversity, even the students are taught how to interact on the social media and are given lessons about using the social media to their best advantage. The kids are trained on the lines that if they find some kid as upset they should go to him and make him feel relaxed through learning of good social skills. The kids are taught to be receptive to the commands of the teachers and show full respect to the fellow students from the kindergarten stage. Especially introvert kids are taught to learn to live together. All of us human beings deserve to be remembered often how important and precious every individual is, having a unique identity of his own. 10 to 15 years kids are a special focus of the Danish teachers. Eudaemonia of the kids is a key to learning actually and the most important area of focus by the school authorities. The heads of the schools pay importance to understand the teenagers by having a dialogue with them to know them better in the light of new realities of the present age so that they may not become a victim to meaninglessness which leads to bullying and even to suicides in some cases.
The teachers in Denmark are guidance givers and not the controlling authorities which is an integral part of their pedagogical culture. Kids are taught to make decisions for themselves. Hence rather than imposing sanctions or getting over protective, the teachers and parents collectively work for making the kids grow up in real to fend for themselves in life on their own. They welcome the trust to get close to the kids and also address the problems they may face at any point in life. They are taught at a young age to treat others like they want themselves to be treated. That is the basics of laying an egalitarian welfare society in real terms, a society where the people know they are safe and respected and are not let down by others on account of being simple, modest or unassuming. It is not a Utopian wish on my part but I believe it is very much achievable, tangible and concrete and with a little effort and seriousness we can have a society were the culture of forgiveness and mutual respect is prevalent and pervasive and where the material possessions do not determine or account for the status of a person worth talking to or given importance to or even being considered a human being at all. I earnestly wish and pray our policy makers take this matter of bullying seriously especially in the schools and universities to save impressionable kids from chaotic memories the rest of their lives.

Ghazala Anbreen

Ghazal Ye Dil Kisi Bhi Tarah Sham e Gham Guzaar Tou De

یہ دل کسی بھی طرح شامِ غم گزار تو دے
پھر اس کے بعد وہ عمروں کا انتطار تودے

ہوائے موسمِ گل جانفزا ہے اپنی جگہ
مگر کوئی خبرِ یارِ خوش دیار تو دے

ہمیں بھی ضد ہے کہاں عمر بھر نبھانے کی
مگر وہ ترکِ تعلق کا اختیار تو دے

بجا کہ درد سری ہے یہ زندگی کرنا
مگر یہ بارِ امانت کوئی اتار تو دے

ترا ہی ذکر کریں بس تُجھی کو یاد کریں
یہ فرصتیں بھی کبھی فِکرِ روزگار تو دے

ترے کرم بھی مجھے یاد ہیں مگر مرا دل
جو قرض اہلِ زمانہ کے ہیں اتار تو دے

فلک سے ہم بھی کریں ظلمِ ناروا کے گلے
پہ سانس لینے کی مہلت ستم شعار تو دے

فراز جاں سے گزرنا تو کوئی بات نہیں
مگر اب اس کی اجازت بھی چشمِ یار تو دے

کمال ہے 💕💕

Ghazal Usay Bhool Ja (Hasni Naveed Afridi)

Kahan aa kay ruknay thay rastay, kahan mor tha usay bhool ja
wo jo mil gaya usay yaad rakh, jo nahin mila usay bhool ja
Wo tere naseeb ki barshain kisi aur chat pe baras gayain
Dil-e be.khaber mari baat sun usay bhol ja, usay bhul ja
Main to gum tha tere dheyan main teri aas, tere guman main
Saba keh gai mere kaan main, mere saath aa usay bhool ja
Tujhay chand ban ke mila tha jo tere sahilon pe khila tha jo
Wo tha aik darya visal ka, so utar gaya usay bhol ja
Kaheen Chak-e-Jaan Ka rafoo Nahe, Kisse Asteen Pe Lahu Nahe
Keh Shaheed-e-Rah-e-Mallal Ka Nahe Khun Baha, Ussay Bhool Ja
Kyun Atta Howa Hai Ghubar Main, Gham-e-Zindagi Kay Fishaar Main
Woh Joo Darj Tha Tere Bakhat Main Soo woh Ho Giya, Ussay Bhool Ja
Na Woh Ankh Teri Ankh Thi, Na Woh Khawab He Tera Khawaab Tha
Dil-e-Muntazir Tou Ye Kis Liy Tera Jaagna, Ussay Bhool Ja
Yeh Jo Raat Din Hai Khel Sa, Issay Dekh, Iss Par Yaqeen Na Kar
Nahe Aks Koi Bhe Mustaqil Sar-e-Aaina, Ussay Bhool Ja
Jo Bisat-e-Jaan Hee Ulat Giya, Woh Jo Rastay Se Palat Giya
Ussay Rooknay Say Hasool Kiya, Ussay Mat Bula, Ussay Bhool Ja
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    Tum keh dena koi khaas nahi
    Ek dost hai kAcha paka sa
    Ek jhoot hai adha sacha sa
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    Doosra Ishq Na Karoon? Behter

    Doosra Ishq Na Karoon? Behter

    Urdu nazm doosra ishq na karoon behtar, Tere hijr mein hi rahoon behtar in Urdu text.

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